Everything is right.
But somehow inside,
I’m still not alright.
And even if I do everything right,
I still can’t win against this fight.
I’ve dressed myself so much,
Fooling myself that these meaningless things were important.
So that I couldn’t find myself –
Because why find something so hideous?
But the truth was if even I
Didn’t know myself,
Then I couldn’t be hurt by others.
For they’ll never know enough
To hurt me.
I once thought that I would never,
Never be able to stop writing
Whether it was those moments, or you.
But I don’t think about it anymore,
Just as I don’t think of you anymore.
For I found myself, and in myself,
I found evermore.
I wanted a change
And yet as I looked back,
I realised that nothing external,
Nothing could have ever changed what was on the inside
But my own forgiveness,
The world and everything is forever changing.
And change it must, to be abound.
We change too, for change is growth
But at times I wish that when we finally reunite
It would have been as if,
Nothing’s changed at all.
Sometimes I’ll suddenly remember things
That I’ve left many, many years ago.
Like the sudden thought
That you never meant it,
When you sang that song for me
I’m lying on the sand,
Covered by the shade.
I can hear the waves and the birds,
As their voices fade.
The children are laughing,
Running with their spades.
How lucky am I to be alive
I wish I could see you
And feel your skin.
We take a step forward,
Then two steps back
When all I ever once wanted,
Was for you to come back.
I’m not fixed yet,
Though I’ve been trying all these years.
They say you can’t fix something that’s broken,
So maybe that is it.
But maybe I can repurpose,
And in this midst of it,
Find my own purpose.
And I don’t feel anything anymore,
About that or about this.
But why is it that even after all this time,
I still can’t go back to that coffee shop,
Where we once sat
Even after all this time?