I’m not where I want to be.
There’s still something missing
Beyond what my eyes can see,
Or what my heart can feel.
And if I had eight consciousness,
And eight senses to feel,
I could finally be free.
But free will never be where I want to be,
But rather in this moment
That is where I need to be.
I don’t think of you anymore.
I don’t think of what could have been,
Or what I could have said.
And here I thought I would be forever haunted,
By your goodbye.
Or was it your white lie?
Leaving me high and dry.
I’ve got purple and blue nails today,
But I used to like them plain.
I’m wearing something I would’ve never worn,
With my heart on the chain.
And I reopen wounds just for the hell of it,
Because there’s nothing wrong with the dark,
And there’s nothing wrong with you and me.
So there’s nothing to feel ashamed about –
The way you look or the way you feel –
When you’re with me.
Sometimes I wonder.
If you want me to speak like you,
Then why don’t you just listen to yourself.
Or have they stroked your ego for far too long,
That you have forgotten we are the same?
So you think you can punish others for their differences,
When we choose not to play your game?
I’m full of desires –
Worldly and greedily,
Insatiable and ravenous,
An unquenchable thirst that I can’t relieve.
But I’m also overflowing.
I can share my entire world,
Unconditionally and trustingly,
As long as you believe.
So long as you open your hands,
I’m no different on the inside.
I’ve just been shedding my outer skin,
And the hypocrisy and contradictory
Love, that used to lie within.
I love that look on your face,
Because you can’t stand that I now have boundaries in place.
And so you can’t push me around,
As you used to so easily now.
How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine now?
I’m always looking outside the window,
And the people who seem so busy from afar.
The tall buildings and then the stars.
But I miss the feeling of bare feet on grass,
The soil and the earth beneath that grass.
I’m home but not home and this is the closest I’ll ever be –
Close, close to Mother Gaia, I once could not see.
Maybe I’m chasing stars.
And too far up in the sky.
Because nothing here feels like home
Because even with people,
I feel lonesome.
I’m trying and I’m trying
But the city is erasing me.
My thoughts, my feelings and my dreams,
They’re all erasing me.
When you laugh,
I can hear the lies dripping
With the fakery you swear true.
So if my body is the temple,
And my ears are the door,
Why would I humour you
At the expense of my own core?
Maybe you thought it was kindness,
But it was pure pain –
I’d rather you stabbed me in the front
Then hiding in the dark and hurting me in the back.
You could have at least watched me bleed
And ooze the blood you drew.
That I once thought I could save you.