A laugh puffs up into the cold air,
As the slivers of smoke move towards you.
I’ll dig my nails into your back,
As you hit the bathroom sink.
It’s not that I didn’t think,
But we’ve made so many mistakes by now,
What is one more after all, now?
I used to hate days.
They reminded me too much of you.
Days become forgotten,
Days become the past,
And then they become memories that fade over time.
And just as I can’t hold onto the certainty of days,
I couldn’t hold onto you.
I don’t think of you anymore.
I don’t think of what could have been,
Or what I could have said.
And here I thought I would be forever haunted,
By your goodbye.
Or was it your white lie?
Leaving me high and dry.
I’m full of desires –
Worldly and greedily,
Insatiable and ravenous,
An unquenchable thirst that I can’t relieve.
But I’m also overflowing.
I can share my entire world,
Unconditionally and trustingly,
As long as you believe.
So long as you open your hands,
I’m no different on the inside.
I’ve just been shedding my outer skin,
And the hypocrisy and contradictory
Love, that used to lie within.
I love that look on your face,
Because you can’t stand that I now have boundaries in place.
And so you can’t push me around,
As you used to so easily now.
How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine now?
Maybe you thought it was kindness,
But it was pure pain –
I’d rather you stabbed me in the front
Then hiding in the dark and hurting me in the back.
You could have at least watched me bleed
And ooze the blood you drew.
That I once thought I could save you.
I feel like a child
Waiting and waiting and waiting.
Any longer, and I think I’d look like a fool.
How strange I could be so patient?
When you didn’t even ask me to wait,
Occasionally dangling a bait.
I can’t turn back time to that morning,
As I looked down into my cup.
I can’t turn back to that moment
As I watched your leaving back
And how I wanted to call you back.
But if I had the chance,
I would have done the same
Because such is the fate,
When gone was the flame.
I’m not sure why suddenly
I’m remembering all the promises you made,
And then broke.
How many years did I torment myself
Thinking it was because I wasn’t enough for you.
Nothing was ever enough for you.
Because even you,
Wasn’t enough for you.
I finally cut the cords between you and I today,
My dear old friend.
And as the cords began to dissolve,
I couldn’t help but hesitate.
But really, there’s no one we need to be anymore
And there’s nothing we need to have.
Surrendering what we have,
To start on our new separate paths.