And I don’t feel anything anymore,
About that or about this.
But why is it that even after all this time,
I still can’t go back to that coffee shop,
Where we once sat
Even after all this time?
We’re standing in the rain
Side by side,
Waiting for the train.
But why does the gap between you and I,
Feel even larger than the gap
Between the platform and the train?
The day is bright,
But I’m not ready.
So I’ll dive under the blankets,
And pretend I’ve got all the time in the world.
How could I bear to leave home?
I used to think that I had taken too many wrong turns,
To make things right.
That if there were choices that I should have made,
I didn’t make even one.
But eventually, there were no wrong paths,
For all paths led to one.
And so I have chosen my own happiness, all along.
Sometimes I think I’m all better,
And then the nights come.
At least when I’m busy,
I can drown these voices.
But when I’m just laying,
Silent in the dark,
The voices circle me,
Hunting like a shark.
I’m always looking outside the window,
And the people who seem so busy from afar.
The tall buildings and then the stars.
But I miss the feeling of bare feet on grass,
The soil and the earth beneath that grass.
I’m home but not home and this is the closest I’ll ever be –
Close, close to Mother Gaia, I once could not see.
Maybe I’m chasing stars.
And too far up in the sky.
Because nothing here feels like home
Because even with people,
I feel lonesome.
I’m trying and I’m trying
But the city is erasing me.
My thoughts, my feelings and my dreams,
They’re all erasing me.
When you laugh,
I can hear the lies dripping
With the fakery you swear true.
So if my body is the temple,
And my ears are the door,
Why would I humour you
At the expense of my own core?
Maybe you thought it was kindness,
But it was pure pain –
I’d rather you stabbed me in the front
Then hiding in the dark and hurting me in the back.
You could have at least watched me bleed
And ooze the blood you drew.
That I once thought I could save you.
I feel like a child
Waiting and waiting and waiting.
Any longer, and I think I’d look like a fool.
How strange I could be so patient?
When you didn’t even ask me to wait,
Occasionally dangling a bait.